seven seas.

BONJOUR MES AMIS

2010-12-17T01:25:00.001+11:00

i'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!

can't wait to recommence reading all your wonderful posts!

new blog... would love if you made the switch and followed :)

love you all and thanks so much for even just reading this in the first place!!

xxxx

http://streetsofparisss.blogspot.com/

"So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be."

2010-06-12T18:13:00.006+10:00

"I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning."
If there's one thing you should do while you're a young adult, it's read "The Perks of Being A Wallflower" by Stephen Chbosky. I've studied all the great historical novels, but I honestly think this is the most incredible piece of literature I have ever read. It changed my life. And I'm not saying that in a light hearted "Zomgg this book is saa good babez" kind of way, this novel genuinely revolutionised not only how I feel about myself, but how I view others, too. There's something very releasing about reading a book that mirrors your own thoughts. It makes you see that it's okay to feel like this sometimes; that a light's slowly burning out inside you and you honestly don't know why. So many young adults struggle to keep up with it all and have no way to express these unexplainable emotions, so it's kept under wraps in the hope eventually the darkness will disappear. But it never does, it just leaves this heaviness in the back of your mind, fogging up any opportunity to truly seize the day. I suppose that's why it's so beautiful to me that Chbosky can put that indescrible feeling of internal powerlessness into such perfect words. So I'm ordering you all to read it (yes, that's an order !) because if there's one thing I have ever learnt in my life, it's that it's alright to still be figuring out who you are and how it all came to be. I keep my copy of the book in my bedside drawer, because it always reminds me that it's okay to feel lonely, but that I'm never really alone.
"...and as of this moment, we were infinite."

Sometimes, Betty, I feel as though I'm dealing with a child.

2010-06-06T11:41:00.000+10:00

GRACE KELLY.

Epitome of class/beauty/glamour. Definitely wish I lived in her era.

Love oh love I gotta tell you how I feel about you cos I, oh I..

2010-06-02T13:32:00.002+10:00

This pic kills me a little bit inside- so inspiring, just want to hop on a plane and travel right now. And craving summer, mmmmm.

Big lights will inspire you, let's hear it for New York

2010-06-01T11:40:00.001+10:00

I kind of momentarily forgot how amazing Jak & Jil is. So good. SO SO GOOD !!

Get up and dance to an Eastern European kind of funk !!

2010-06-01T11:33:00.001+10:00

Literally my entire weekend has revolved around Eurovision- and I have absolutely no regrets, hahahaa. If you have a spare moment, check out Lithuania's entry, they didn't get into the finals but they so should have ! It was an outrage haa. Just wait until the very end- you will DIE. The song is actually kind of catchy, I love Lithuania!!

I wanna take you away just keep on dancing to this music

2010-05-25T17:54:00.000+10:00

Just quietly... I would quite literally kill somebody to own these tights. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G !!!

Their eyes shall shine the holy glimmers of goodbyes

2010-05-23T10:09:00.004+10:00

Anthem for Doomed Youth

Wilfred Owen

What passing-bells for these who die as cattle?

- Only the monstrous anger of the guns.

Only the stuttering rifles' rapid rattle

Can patter out their hasty orisons.

No mockeries now for them; no prayers nor bells;

Nor any voice of mourning save their choirs,-

The shrill, demented choirs of wailing shells;

And bugles calling for them from sad shires.

What candles may be held to speed them all?

Not in the hands of boys but in their eyes

Shall shine the holy glimmers of goodbyes.

The pallor of girls' brows shall be their pall;

Their flowers the tenderness of patient minds,

And each slow dusk a drawing down of blinds.

Almost lovers always do

2010-05-21T20:03:00.001+10:00

Thanks a bunch for your comments re: the last blog post. I kind of forgot people I know in real life actually read this- haha, how weird is that?!! No offence to you guys, I love that you read this, I just kind of... forgot that people know about my blog. Hahahahah. Mmmmmm I have SO much work due this week. Somebody motivate me pleeeeeeeeaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee !!!!! On a side note, this pic is amazing. Crazily obsessed with sparkles at the moment. Oh, also- haven't said this in a while, but just to let y'all know again, I LOVE YOU ALL!! Seriously. Thank you so much for reading- every page hit or comment honestly makes my day :)

Just waiting for my real life to begin

2010-05-20T21:44:00.000+10:00

I read something as I was walking past a newsagency in the city the other day that really struck a cord with me.. I can't remember the exact wording of it but it was something a long the lines of "Don't leave your children with nothing to show for your life other than your Facebook page." It just really affected me- this world is so technology based and so disposable that everything is just going to be lost for our children; we will have nothing to pass on down to them. I am not okay with this. This quote has totally inspired me to stop my Facebook addiction and start creating, dreaming, making this period in my life count. I was thinking maybe this holidays I would start an inspiration scrapbook filled with my favourite photos, quotes, poems, song lyrics.. as well as adding in a few of my own works. I suppose I just want a record of this exciting period in my life. Maybe it's too much, but I just feel I need something like this to physically hold onto, to remind not only future generations but also myself, of who I am.

And I told you nothing would be as easy as it seemed

2010-05-20T18:43:00.000+10:00

Tout ce que je veux, c'est les vacances.

image: steviedance

You sang me Spanish lullabies, the sweetest sadness in your eyes

2010-05-18T14:45:00.000+10:00

I know it's kind of a mushy corny song, but I am obsesseddddd with the lyrics- so so so good. And that voice !! Amazing.

You know you can't deny when love takes over yeah yeah

2010-05-16T16:13:00.002+10:00

Let's have some fun this beat is sick

2010-05-16T15:43:00.000+10:00

Hating my hair right now. Wishhhhhhhhhhh my mop resembled something like this.. So good ! Suggestions for possible hair cut/ changes??

I got rock, I got dance, I got your love and you got mine

2010-05-11T21:20:00.002+10:00

"Hey, are you a dreamer? Don’t see too many of you around lately. Things have been tough lately for dreamers. They say dreaming’s dead and no one does it anymore. Its not dead, it’s just it’s been forgotten; removed from our language. Nobody teaches it so no one knows it exists. The dreamer is banished to obscurity. I’m trying to change all that and I hope you are too by dreaming everyday. Dreaming with our hands, dreaming with our minds. Our planet is facing the greatest problems it’s ever faced - ever. So whatever you do don’t be bored. This is absolutely the most exciting time you could have possibly hoped to be alive And things are just starting..."

- Waking Life (2001)

Don't leave me locked in your heart, set me free, set me freeeeee

2010-05-09T12:26:00.005+10:00

Incoherent thoughts : Happy mothers day. Love you mum. So much uni work to do right now, all due this week arghhh. Just decided to desperately save for a pair of Jeffrey Campbell Alexa wedges, they literally take my breath away haa. Thinking of creating a new blog. Kaya Scoledario is incredible. Can't wait to watch Skins S4 when my uni exams finish. Need to resign up to my gym, like seriously asap. Still deciding if I want to transfer or not at the end of this year. Can't stop daydreaming about travelling. It's a lovely day outside today, this weather is gorge. Wondering if the new Kate Nash album is any good? Worst hair day ever today haha. Loving Sufjan, Kasey, and Angus and Julia Stone. My dog is too cute with his little bow tie around his neck. Would much rather be reading Jalouse, watching the ep of Brothers & Sisters I taped, surfing the internet, going for a run or talking to my friend that I miss way too much on the phone than sitting here at the dining room table writing about the democratic importance of the French student protests of May 1968............ Yep that's about it.

Boy put your records on play me your favourite song

2010-04-29T23:35:00.000+10:00

I'm ready for a change. I feel older, more mature. Things are going to be different this time.

When you try your best but you don't succeed

2010-04-27T14:28:00.000+10:00

IT'S SO COLD !!!!!!!!!!! Studded boots, zucchini soup, hot chocolate, big woolly scarves, heater on, movies, comfy doonas... yum yum yum yum I love winter...

I'm lifting wishes to the stars, they're gleaming satellites of time

2010-04-25T12:52:00.003+10:00

I'm angry at everybody and everything. Nothing is fitting or working or making any sense; it all seems to be a gigantic blur of darkness, tinged with never-ending worries and insecurities and fantasies of another life. I've decided something's got to change. I have to avoid this enormous mistake. I'm not going to let myself stay in this situation, wasting the best years of my life in the background, unhappy, uninspired and dreaming of a different world. Why is when I'm meant to find my wings and fly, all I crave is the chance to run?

Oh Mr Pit, oh Mr Pit oh Mr Pitiful, who let you down?

2010-04-25T12:21:00.002+10:00

Ed Westwick, marry me.

Nothing like your love, loveee

2010-04-23T00:20:00.001+10:00

I hateee being such a poor uni studenttttt! Regardless of how many shifts I do at work or how many hours I tutor, my bank account seems to permanently leave zero dollars for clothes which saddens me... am thinking I will have to jump on the bandwagon and start selling some old things on eBay to earn me some cold hard cash because I just get too obsessed with thingssss- found these amazing shorts for winter today, so amazing that I'd literally kill somebody to have them sitting in my closet, not to mention my severe need for some new winter heels...

Golden rod and the 4-H stone, things I brought you when I found out you had cancer of the bone.

2010-04-20T15:10:00.003+10:00

Ohhhh Sufjan, where do I even begin. You know how to make a girl feel special. Was having the worst morning ever today, so I put on 'Romulus' and immediately felt like things were going to be okay. Was dreaming about my future and needed reassurance, "To Be Alone With You" came on and made me smile with a mixture of hope and fantasy. Was needing someone to sympathise with me and the tears came when 'Casimir Pulaski Day' was played, the most beautiful song I think I've probably ever heard. And that's just the beginning of your musical repertoire- I'm in awe in your talent. Biggest inspiration ever, so glad I found you. Found this great quote about him from some random contributor on songmeanings.net (fave site ever haha), "Music to him is not a message but a sharing of the soul." So true.

ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY

2010-04-18T11:58:00.001+10:00

IS THIS SOME KIND OF SICK JOKE?!

(British GQ May 2010)

Things my son should know after I've died.

2010-04-18T11:21:00.013+10:00

I was young once. I dug holes near a canal and almost drowned. I filled notebooks with words as carefully as a hunter loads his shotgun. I had a father also, and I came second to an addiction. I spent a summer swallowing seeds and nothing ever grew in my stomach. Every woman I kissed, I kissed as if I loved her. My left and right hands were rivals. After I hit puberty, I was kicked out of my parents’ house at least twice a year. No matter when you receive this there was music playing now. Your grandfather isn’t my father. I chose to do something with my life that I knew I could fail at. I spent my whole life walking and hid such colorful wings. - Brian Trimboli

I know I don't know you but I want you so baaaaad

2010-04-17T20:03:00.002+10:00

It's so nice to have met you. I like you liking me, and together, we feel wonderful. Can't wait to see you again. That's all :) .

When you close the door it feels just like you took the air out of the room with you

2010-04-13T22:58:00.001+10:00

Never really realised it, but woah, Trinny and Susannah are actually such babes. Seriously if I looked half as good as them when I'm that age I would like never leave the mirror hahha. Their amazing style probably helps them out a bit, but nevertheless, they look so good !! Both my mum and I are addicted- Best show ever!!

Yeah you were always pretty reckless with your love

2010-04-11T13:56:00.003+10:00

Random fact about me: I am a massive MASSIVE space geek. I'm absolutely obsessed, beyond fascinated, with galaxies, nebulas, stars, planets, solar systems, black holes... anything and everything to do with the universe around us. I've never admitted this to anyone, but my favourite way to pass time is to go onto the Hubble telescope website and gaze at the thousands of pictures of space. Something about the universe just captures me beyond anything else, that whole idea that life is just so much more than this miniscule planet we exist on.

We may not like to admit it but let's face it, us humans think we know everything about everything. We reckon we've got this life all figured out, black and white, crisp and clear, and yet these photos just show how insignificant, unimportant and belittled we are by the powers of the universe so unbelievably far out of our control. We don't know anything, nobody has a clue what's out there, the possibility of extra-terrestrial life, how far it goes for... and that's part of it's magnificent beauty. The beauty of the unknown, the opportunity for philosophy, logic, and imagination. Woah, I probably just wrote a whole massive paragraph of crap haha but it means something to me. In my eyes, there's something very grounding about space (Ha, grounding, no gravity, get it?! Haa gotta love a good pun) I'm going to choose one of my favourite photos of a galaxy, get it blown up , framed, and hang it right above my bed to remind me how precious every second of life is, and to keep perspective in this tiny little bubble we call Earth. There's a trillion, zillion, infinity stars and galaxies out there surrounding us, ever changing, ever expanding, ever lasting; we are but a mere fragment in the unrestricted enigmatic notion of time.

And just to add on that, this website is amazing (http://www.whitevinyldesign.com/solarbeat/) , it plays what the solar system would sound like if planets were notes- mindblowing !!! Sit back, relax and let the sweet tones of our solar system wash over you, so, so, beautiful...Ok, geeez, biggest nerd ever? Hahaha, gosshhh someone pass me the high pants and algebra textbook already !! :)

Boy your love, it is all I think about I just can't get you out of my head

2010-04-10T22:21:00.001+10:00

Listening to this over and over and over again. Stunningly amazingly incredibly beautiful- love the original Kylie version but there's just something very raw and powerful about Kasey and Shane's cover. Can't find it on iTunes/Limewire though, grrrrr. It's songs like this that make me want to take up the guitar again!

Je montrai droit au ciel pour aller me reposer auprès de mon père spirituel

2010-03-30T22:15:00.004+11:00

French 'PostSecret': Quand meme, les secrets sont vraiment beaux en chaque langue..

First you're ripe, then rotten, once I knew but I've forgotten.

2010-03-30T21:46:00.000+11:00

"Ok baby, what'll it be? I asked my friends and they all agreed, you're exactly the kinda trouble that I need. I've got songs that give, I've got songs that prove, songs that I use when I want to seduce, and I want to seduce you, why won't you let me? I wanna get you, so get gotten, I won't stop till I get to the bottom. I wanna get you, so get gotten. I've got big dreams in a small small world and I'm using God to pick up girls, and I'm willing to put it all on the line. I've got words that destroy, words that build, I use words and I feel no guilt about it, I've got no words that go bump in the night. It's no secret that I've fallen, I won't stop till I get to the bottom. It's no secret that I've fallen, cos first you're ripe, then you're rotten, don't stop till you get to the bottom. First you're ripe and then rotten, once I knew but I've forgotten, I'll find out when I get to the bottom, once I knew but I've forgotten. I wanna get you so get gotten, I won't stop till I get to the bottom, I wanna get you, so get gotten." Get Gotten- Ben Lee

Caught up between a bullet and a target

2010-03-28T16:59:00.001+11:00

Asdfghjkl; did I just die and go to heaven? Best picture ever, the girl is a freak of nature. I don't know what I envy more- Rosie's unbelievableeee beauty, that divineee vest, or the fact she can eat peanut butter out of the jar and still have that amazing bod!!

Cos you've got the love, you've got the love, you've got the loveeeee

2010-03-26T17:50:00.001+11:00

I'm still on a high, this is quite possibly the best day of my life hahaa.. Just went to the 'FAT' clearance sale and picked up this UNBELIEVABLY incredible 'We are Handsome' The Arabia one-piece swimsuit for $90, reduced from $250 !!!!!!!!!!!! Ummmmmmm so only kind of the best day of my entire life, ever. Even though it's kind of chilly right now I'm wandering around the house in these togs and I don't plan to take them off for a good few years haha it's love at first sight !! BEST DAY EVERRRRRRRRR who says money can't buy happiness?!?! Bathers sure can !! :) :)

With every fragment of the sky, you charm the birds to fly

2010-03-24T15:05:00.004+11:00

I really should stop listening to my iPod so much, it's virtually attached to my hand. On the bus to uni, while studying, on the tram home, when I go to sleep.... pretty sure I'm going to be deaf by the time I'm 30, ha.

Times Square can't shine as bright as you, I swear it's true.

2010-03-23T14:32:00.001+11:00

Speechless speechless speechless speechless

2010-03-23T00:07:00.002+11:00

Oh my sweet sweet lorddd RUSSH you have once again outdone yourself!!! There are literally no adjectives in the English language to do these photos justice. Where on earth would we all be without your glossy pages to light up our dreary Monday evenings?!

PS- I'm pretty sure this chick went to my high school.. exciting!

My heart is reeling; this is that fresh, that fresh feeling.

2010-03-22T21:03:00.002+11:00

Asdfghjkl; I think I just died. The hair, the jewellery, the denim.. seriously too amazing for wordssssssssss.

"Vicky and Cristina decided to spend their summer in Barcelona."

2010-03-21T11:05:00.007+11:00

"Vicky returned home to have her grand wedding to Doug. To the house they had finally planned to settle in. And to lead the life she envisioned for herself, before that summer in Barcelona. Cristina continued searching... certain only, of what she didn't want."

Without a doubt my favourite movie of all time. No question.

Words to make you happy, words to make you cry.

2010-03-21T10:12:00.001+11:00

These are meant to be the best moments of my life. The kaleidoscopic snapshots of frivolity; of careless, boundless youth; sensations, curiosity, the reckless swimming in life's sea of euphoria and momentary invincibility.. This is it. This is that life. This is the best it's going to get for a long time, or so we've been told. Lectures, parties, pub crawls, jobs, opportunities, socialising.. It's meant to the pinnacle of teenage desire. So somebody tell me why I feel so lost amongst it all? Out of place, an outsider, crumbling on the edge of a much larger, scarier cliff... I'm trying as hard as I can to enjoy it but it doesn't feel right, I don't think this is where I should be, there's just no sense of direction. It seems that I never know what I need, I only know what I don't want. They are meant to be the gold plated memories of my life, and yet all it seems to be is a candy coloured, grey tinged, dark blue splattered blur.

The note I received from a 12 year old family friend today

2010-03-16T20:50:00.002+11:00

"Dear Phoebe, thank you very much for giving me your old school uniforms after you finished Year 12. The dresses look very funny in my cupboard because they are about 10cm shorter than the dress that I had in Year 5.. My mum would never let me have my dresses that short but because they were yours it is okay. From Eloise."

Hahahaha!! Cutest thing ever.

When I'm older, you'll be older, and we'll stay old together.

2010-03-14T20:26:00.002+11:00

"One day, we're gonna live in Paris. I promise, I'm on it. When I'm bringing in the money, I promise, I'm on it. I'm gonna take you out to club showcase, we're gonna live it up, I promise, just hold on a little bit more. And every night we'll watch the stars, they'll be out for us, they'll be out for us. And every night, the city lights, they'll be out for us, they'll be out for us."
Paris- Friendly Fires.

"But you should know upfront, this is not a love story."

2010-03-14T00:54:00.000+11:00

But when you frown your troubled brow they all come leaning in.

2010-03-13T14:13:00.005+11:00

Something happened to me last weekend, and I don't want to talk about it because it makes me sad, too sad for words. Had that happened a year ago, I would not have been strong enough to cope. But instead, fate dealt it to me the previous week, and I could accept her challenge, for I am different now- self aware, secure, able to morph experiences into life lessons. There were moments when tears were inevitable but somehow you have to find a gleam in the darkened soil of the past, and when the shit hits the fan, real flowers emerge. I never realised what an illustrious support network I have within my grasp. If they are reading this, I just want to thank my closest friends for their incredible love, listening, and care during the aftershocks of a regretful event beyond my immediate control. Man it would be tough to deal with it all without you beautiful people. I'm always here for you, thank you a million times over, I love you girls forever.

No work was lovelier in history; And nothing failed so often.

2010-03-13T13:41:00.005+11:00

"... Achilles went to make amends,
Walking alone beside the broken lace that hung
Over the sea's green fist.
The sea that is always counting.
Ever since men began in time, time and
Time again they met in parliaments,
With mouthfuls of soft air they tried to stop
Themselves from ravening their talking throats;
Hoping enunciated airs would fall
With verisimilitude in different minds."
- 'War Music' by Christopher Logue

Her eyebrows are just like the ink of a brush.

2010-03-11T21:33:00.000+11:00

I wanttttt a front fringe so I can look even half as cool as this chick...

HAPPY 100TH POST!

2010-03-11T21:29:00.003+11:00

Big BIG thanks to all my 28 lovely followers. Every little comment or new follower seriously makes my day, i really didn't think anybody would ever even see this blog, so to actually have comments and things is just the best thing ever. Whoever is reading this, thank you so so so much, I love you !!!

XXXX

You don't have a clue what it feels like to sit next to you.

2010-03-01T22:50:00.000+11:00

It's early days. But when I'm around you, I just can't stop smiling.

Sometimes I feel like saying Lord I just don't care

2010-02-28T17:16:00.026+11:00

I recently read something in Mia Freedman's weekly column in The Age's 'Sunday Life' that struck a deep chord within me: "I keep telling my 40 year old girlfriends that our bodies aren't going to get any better. When we look back at 50, we're going to think we looked hot at 40. At 20 we thought our bodies weren't good enough, same with 30. And every decade you wonder why the hell you wasted time worrying instead of just embracing it. I don't want to look back in another 10 years and curse myself for not wearing a swimsuit more often."
This paragraph sums up my mentality, every single day. I'm incredibly uncomfortable when it comes to revealing my body and showing off the junk in my trunk (ha). Now I'm not exactly 40 years young, but that comment has stuck with me all the same- I really don't wish to look back when I'm old and grey and regret all that precious youthful time I wasted hating, obsessing over, and trying to hide my own body when really it wasn't that bad at all. So often I will go out and feel hugely self conscious of my self-labelled tuckshop lady arms and thunder thighs, not to mention constantly sucking in my tummy, which will just ruin my night and leave me feeling extremely insecure- comparing myself to others, and forever wondering if those around me see what I see in the mirror. A few days later, I'll see photos on facebook and realise, "hey, I guess that outfit wasn't all that unflattering, I shouldn't have worried about that at all". I absolutely hate constantly feeling like that, forever over-aware of my body and appearance, so I think it's high time for a mental overhaul and alteration of my self hating attitude. I can't continue on like this, I'm only 18, it's meant to be the peak of my carelessness, freedom and youth.. if I feel like this now, what the hell will I think of myself when I'm 40??!
This leads me to my No. 1 resolution of 2010- Embrace, respect, and learn to love what I've got.

Anybody else care to join me on this journey? It's time for a revolution, why shouldn't I love my body?

Love is light ignited and everyone is invited

2010-02-27T23:15:00.010+11:00

Orientation (O-week) was amazing amazing amazinggggg. I love uni already, and I haven't even really started yet, haha ! Bring on 2010, if summer was anything to go by, I have a feeling this is going to be an incredible year. I already kind of feel different- more independent and grown up; which is slightly weird but majorly exciting- life is really beginning!!!

It was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line.

2010-02-27T22:48:00.009+11:00

Extremelyyyy bored of my hair right now, it's such a massive long mop of orange nothingness! Sometimes I'll straighten it, sometimes I'll leave it to erupt into its natural unkept, frizzy waves, but haven't had a haircut since May 09, my fringe has grown out, split ends galore... so basically, my tresses are in need of some major TLC! Dying to rock this whole dipdye pastel coloured look a la Tallulah and Abbey Lee, looks increddddible, but if I gave it a go my parents would go totally skitz due to my apparently "irreplaceable" strawb blonde hair (which I don't even think is that much blonde nor strawberry anymore, let alone "irreplaceable".) ahfjakfdhdf just craving a changeeeeee. Ideas?????

I'd swim across Lake Michigan..

2010-02-19T16:44:00.002+11:00

MY BEAUTIFUL BLOGGING BUDDIES!!!!

Mannnn it has been a while! I have missed you all and sevenseas just soosos much. I'm back from my trip to Spain and Morocco (which was absolutely incredible- some photos up soon!) and have just been loving the freedom and fun times that encapsulates the summer of 2010! Anyway, I can't wait to get back into the swing of blogging because I've honestly missed it so much, two whole months, wowww, so posts a plenty soon I promise!

Hope you all had a beautiful break :) Xxxxxx

Here's to you, raise a glass for everyone.

2009-12-26T01:01:00.005+11:00

Merry Christmas my beautiful blog buddies!! I hope you and your families all had an incredible day and that the fat bearded man managed to pop down the chimney and deliver some goodies hahaha. Anyway this is just a quick post to say that I'm leaving for a family trip to Spain and Morocco tomorrow (aaahhh I'm so excited I can barely sleep haha) so I probably won't be posting until when I get back- 29th of Jan! So adios amigos, have a lovely few days, happy new year, thanks for the amazing support in 2009 and I will catch you all on the flip side :) stay cool! love you guys always xx

Your shadow weighs a tonne

2009-12-23T23:48:00.001+11:00

FEE'S PET PEEVE #233
Boys who send mixed signals. Seriously!!

Tonight everything is over, I feel too young

2009-12-23T23:12:00.002+11:00

Mischa Barton during her OC hey day? ahh too gorgeous!!!

This is the life we're leading and you've led.

2009-12-22T12:41:00.002+11:00

I love Oyster magazine too tooooo much.

Parce qu'on sait jamais

2009-12-20T22:36:00.006+11:00

This time last year I was with my beautiful host family in Paris, laughing, tobogganing down the drive, going to school, speaking lots of French, chilling with the amazing people at school, loving life... I miss it so much. What I wouldn't give to be back with them all this Christmas..

We're teenagers, we don't care

2009-12-20T00:12:00.004+11:00

I'd also like to just add that if I had the hair and looks of this blonde chick, my life would probs be complete. Actually stunninggggg!!! Forgot how much I like surfing cobrasnake, the photos are just tooo cool. But wowww this girllll is quite incred.

Come to Cancun for spring break.. I'll think about it, it could be great.

2009-12-19T23:45:00.007+11:00

I realllyyyyyy want an underwater camera. Love love love love LOVE. The photos all just look so... exciting. hahaha

image source: cobrasnake

"Happiness isn't always the best way to be happy."

2009-12-18T08:00:00.011+11:00

I saw Spike Jonze's 'Where The Wild Things Are' yesterday and unsurprisingly, I'm going to agree with the rest of the general consensus of the internet world.. I thought it was breathtakingly extraordinary. I cried multiple times, not at the actual progression of the story (although the messages and themes were incredibly moving) but more at just how cinematically stunning the entire film was. From the crisp depiction of the rugged, salty rock faces smashing against the wild ocean, to the fuzzy, mid action, choppy hand held shots of the fiercely raw an vibrant bushland, the film's illustration of nature was unbelievable.

It was filmed in Victoria, Australia, my home state, and it was kind of cool because I actually recognised one of the beaches as one I used to visit with my family as a kid.. So maybe that just was more symbolic or something for me because all those rocks and crevasses totally reminded me of my early childhood, and that whole idea of the influence of youth was such a strong foundation for the entire film. But anyway, all in all, it was a moving, somewhat dark, yet entirely stunning and gorgeous film that leaves an impact long after the credits roll.

Streets of Paris, say I adore you.

2009-12-15T11:56:00.003+11:00

I got my ENTER score yesterday. I nearly had a heart attack when my mobile vibrated with the text, but in the end it was all okay and I'm really happy with my score, so I feel pretty lucky to now be able to choose whatever course I'd like to do. Feeling like shit now though, feverrrrrr x 10000 and sore throat etc. But whatev- this summer weather totally makes up for it. Hope any VCErs reading this are all happy with their scores too, well done for finishing, we did it !!!! :)

Swim to the shore, you can still stay alive.

2009-12-12T16:56:00.018+11:00

I LIKE BEING FREEEEEEEEE

sources: manyyyy sorryyy i'm so bad with them

"And don't forget to send me a friend request!"

2009-12-10T22:20:00.005+11:00

I know the lyrics aren't exactly for the faint-hearted, but I am majorly appreciating this song right now. Embarrassingly, it's also very appropriate to a situation I'm currently involved in. Check out The Teenagers in general if you haven't already.. their songs are beyond amazing.

Forever is a long time when you've lost your way

2009-12-10T21:37:00.006+11:00

Sometimes it feels as though all I have is a lone man strumming on a guitar, weeping his heart out through chords and words, bleeding his darkest emotions, healing me through my headphones. I know it's not really like that. I know I'm very lucky, really, I do. But tonight, as I sit here alone in my bed with parents too busy to care and an overachieving brother celebrating yet another success, it's as though I am invisible.

So his songs reassure me. With a click of a button, that man echoes my mind and lulls me to sleep, drowning out the fighting and the small talk, the worries and the expectations. He will let me float to a higher, stronger ground away from the surface of reality, one no hug or nice phrase can reach. That's why music will always my saviour. Because it's here, and it listens. Because right now, even though they say they are here, deep down I know it's all I've got.

Where your gardens have no walls

2009-12-08T17:24:00.006+11:00

According to Google definitions; a heart is:

the locus of feelings and intuitions
the hollow muscular organ located behind the sternum and between the lungs
the courage to carry on
an inclination or tendency of a certain kind
affection: a positive feeling of liking.

I've got a locus of feelings, and you're between my lungs. Your certain kind of inclinations make me smile, and I too have that positive feeling of liking, but I think I'm too scared. Give me some courage to carry on because I don't know why I'm working my way into your heart.

The Champs d'Elysees, it's a busy street

2009-12-08T15:29:00.004+11:00

Ahhh I'm so sorry my beautiful bloggersss it has been far far farrrr too long since I've posted! School's outttt forever, and I'm just loving on life at the moment. Partying, sleeping in farrrr too late, catching up...just went to Schoolies, an amazingly fun, alcohol fuelled week at the beach with my friends, which was sooooo good. So now I'm just concentrating on chilling out, getting my shit together, seeing people etc etc. But I promise I'll be posting way more often, I've missed this! Anyway I'm off to grab a coffee with a friend, but hopefully I will be seeing a lot more of you my lovely bloggersss, promise to write soon :) xxxxx

We got the afternoon, you got this room for two.

2009-11-17T10:07:00.004+11:00

lola by marc jacobs

want want want want want x infinity

soooooooo amazinggggg

An extract from an upcoming project.

2009-11-15T22:42:00.013+11:00

Unnamed, unplanned, unprepared, etc etc.. but hopefully that will change by the end of the summer holidays.

Girl: Excuse me, hi, do you mind if I just sit here for a sec? (Boy is still totally still, entirely undisturbed. She sits next to him on the bench, a moment passes.) Can you tell me something? (Boy continues looking other way, remains mute) I don't know if you can hear me, but if you can, just do me a favour and listen, okay? (Agonizing silence, she collects herself, begins anyway.) Do you think there's good in the world? Really. Not a little fleeting smile in a hallway or a surprise gift or something. None of that crap. I mean pure, fresh, real wholehearted undiluted goodness, the kind of stuff you believe in as a kid. Do you think it even exists anymore? (Silence, boy is still totally still and silent). I.. I just need to believe that there's something else, something more than this.. Something bigger than the way I feel now, if that's even possible. Will you look into my eyes and give me the truth? (A few seconds pass.) Can you even hear me? (Another moment, she thinks for a second) Who am I kidding? This is useless, you're just a stranger on a park bench. I was foolish to think someone could provide the spark. Well anyway um... thanks for the chat.

Girl gets up, walks away, moment passes, a tear rolls down boy's cheek.

Boy (voice over): And there she went. A salty smelling, dark mixed up so called teenager, settling for something less, always looking for something more. It struck me just how self assured she appeared to be, and yet the questions she voiced exposed that familiar insecurity. But there I was, listening to the justifications for it all and not attempting to question them. I wanted to answer, I really did. But I was nothing to her that day. How could I be? Like she said, it was useless, I was useless. Nothing but a stranger sitting on a beaten up park bench, listening to her analysis of the perils of life. Just another salty smelling, dark mixed up so called teenager, settling for something less, always looking for something more.

Her knees began to shiver.

2009-11-15T22:23:00.005+11:00

Rah, I'm sort of an angry little recluse today, I'm just really annoyed at some people. Here's one thing I hate more than anything. Social hierarchies. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr at lifeee hahah ew, emo? I mean, I'll get over it, because I know that I have to, but it's just really... diminishing, I suppose. Belittling, that's the word. It's all just very belittling.

If I were a rich girl, nanananananaaa

2009-11-13T15:40:00.006+11:00

"Writing is like prostitution. First you do it for love, then for a few close friends, and then for money." - Moliere

Hahaha that is the best thing I've ever heard in my entire life.

So I'm weeping warm honey and milk.

2009-11-13T15:30:00.003+11:00

Everybody's finishing exams now, but I've still got two to go.. Grrrr... freedom is so close, hurrry up already!!!

And so it goes, and so it goes, and so it goes

2009-11-07T11:21:00.017+11:00

In need of some serious motivation right now, I just so cbf with all these exams... it's all just so stressful arghhh. Loving this hot weather though, bring it onnnnn.

Je suis

2009-11-06T16:54:00.004+11:00

Totally officially unbelievably massively 100% royally screwed.

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO COMPLICATED????

How many train wrecks do we need to see?

2009-11-05T21:58:00.009+11:00

I've just been watching the nightly news and getting majorly depressed. I'm sorry but what is with people these days??? Stabbings, horrific murders, arson, kidnappings, bashings... it's all so overwhelming. As Jack Johnson famously crooned, 'Where'd all the good people go?' It's unbelievably saddening; watching the news every night seriously makes me question the confidence I have in this world. I'm honestly just waiting for Obama to win another Nobel prize or an election or do something else incredible to restore my faith in humanity.

All is well in Daisy's dreams.

2009-11-04T18:35:00.010+11:00

Sunny days and balmy nights. Breezes of relaxation and cool, sweet rain. frolicking on the beach, sheer, light dresses, endless laughs, chilling with friends, that liberating feeling of pure carelessness.. Hurry up and get here, summer, it's been far, far, faaaar too long!

And whenever I fall at your feet..

2009-11-04T00:30:00.008+11:00

you make my tummy flutter, you're so wonderful. but everything you say makes me wonder, do you feel the same? i guess i'm just far too afraid of the possibility of no to do this myself. so give me another sign, make another move. you know i'll say yes.

You're not a landmine, you're not a goldmine.

2009-11-02T11:56:00.011+11:00

I turned 18 yesterday. Everybody say ayohh- AYOHH! Haha, it felt pretty sweet. No real celebrating until after exams though, grrr. I spent the day with my family and some close family friends, which was super fun, even if a bit of study later on dampened the mood! And I was lucky enough to receive some gorgeous gifts including a beautiful MacBook Pro- I have no idea how to use it but I'm LOVING it, I've christened it Romeo so that if I misplace it, I can declare 'Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, dear Romeo?' Anyway, I have to get back to legal now, but wooo MacBook!! And woooo 18! Can't wait to go out and enjoy my new found independence :) Hope you're all well xxx

(Image source: RUSSH Nov/Dec 2009)

Take it slow, take it easy on me.

2009-10-31T12:00:00.005+11:00

No, your calendar is not playing tricks on you, it isn't yet November 18! ....Look who's come crawling back haha. I just missed blogging too much! That's not giving up, is it?! My will power isn't very strong, obviously, I just need this blog as a nice little release.

In other news, as you can see I've just learned how to upload big pictures! Are you proud of me?!! I'm not the most tech savvy person around, so, well, I'm proud of me hahah. Anyway I seriously need to start some History study, but expect more frequent posts, people! I'm not giving up on you cos some little VCE bitch is taking over my life :)

Oh thinking about our younger years.

2009-10-25T11:20:00.004+11:00

Well, this is it. I've officially finished school now. I feel weird and wonderous and free, yet really quite sad and nostalgic. I think it'll take a while to comprehend that I won't be putting on that green uniform and going to school everyday or chilling in the common room with my best buds anymore. Anyway beautiful bloggers this is just a little post to say hi, and that sorry but I'm not going to be posting until November 18, when I finally finish my exams. It's swotvac period now so I have to study like a madwoman! So have a lovely few weeks, stay cool and wish me luck! See you on November 18, when the grass will most definitely be greener! Love to infinity and beyond xxxxx

What do you do with a sentimental heart?

2009-10-18T17:04:00.006+11:00

It's weird isn't it, to think that I might have already met my future husband? He might have been at some party but I never talked to him, or maybe I walked past him in the street. Maybe he was in the background of a photo I've seen on Facebook, or maybe he was working in a shop I went into once. I might even be friends with him right now, who knows. Or perhaps I've never laid eyes upon the man, he could easily be in a different state, having a chill in some foreign country..

And it's strange to think that Mr. Fee (haha) is just out there in the big bad world right now and chances are I don't know even who he is, but hopefully in a few years we'll be in love and be together forever. I don't know.. It's just weird to think about that kind of stuff. Don't you reckon? It's crazy to think your future's kind of already out there just brewing, waiting until the timing's right.

A woah oh, you're my clean white love.

2009-10-17T11:37:00.011+11:00

On Thursday night, I graduated. I'm in that crowd somewhere up the back, having a groove with my friends and loving on life haha. I didn't think I'd get that emotional throughout the night, but I totally did. As soon as the opening bars of our final song came on, my tear ducts actually went into overdrive- extremely embarrassing but luckily I have such amazing mates that it was just all a bit of a lol! From here, we ran off the stage and all jumped up and down screaming with euphoria in the foyer, surrounded by all my friends, everybody hugging and crying and yelling and chanting... absolutely insane, something I'll remember forever, it was purely electric. I couldn't have dreamed of a better way to end my schooling.

So I just wanted to dedicate this post to my amazing friends, because they are 100% of the reason my time at school has been so incredible. You girls are the funniest, nicest, kindest, smartest, craziest, most unbelievably amazing people on the planet. I love you guys more than you could ever possibly know. Thanks for all you've done for me and thanks for all the memories chickas. We've had millions upon trillions of good times and I'm sure there will be zillions more to come :) In the words of Gab, I would have done it all over again purely just to meet you. Ok I've got to stop now because I'm going to start tearing up again. But basically, I LOVE YOU ALL.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx times infinity plus one.

photocredit: laura, i think?!?!

A hole in the cup that should hold my love.

2009-10-10T22:18:00.010+11:00

"Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb." - Sir Winston Churchill

Flying first class up in the sky.

2009-10-09T23:18:00.011+11:00

The other day, I took a well-earned study break to catch 'The September Issue' at le cinemas with my mum. Centered around US Vogue's headquarters as the dynamic team assemble the prestigious September issue, the documentary directed by RJ Cutler seemed as though it would confirm the magazine's devilishly decadent stereotype- the glitz, the glamour, the gorgeous frocks.. and most particularly, a rare insight into the notoriously harsh Anna Wintour. I expected to be inspired to join this world of Armani and articles, of Wang and words, and yet when the credits rolled by and the lights came back up, I found that 'The September Issue' had impacted me in an seemingly unimaginable way.

To be perfectly frank, this film left me empty and disillusioned. Not only did it expose how cut-throat the fashion journalism industry is, but how insensitive, out of touch and unattached you have to be to make it big in such a world. The reaction of wonder stylist Grace Coddington when Wintour totally discarded her precious photographs nearly brought a tear to my eye.You can't let your emotions get in the way, and yet you still have to put your entire soul into every piece of work to make it real and relatable. Contradictory, no? It made me question consumerism and identity in today's capitalist society. Buyers and heads of huge chains all around the globe ogled Wintour as she basically dictated what would be hot for seasons to come. Why do we follow what they all say, anyway? Whether we realise it or not, half the stuff in our wardrobe probably arose from her opinion a few years ago. That was a slap in the face to me. Nothing is as original as you want it to be. And the sheer expenditure! Overseas locations, thousands of haute-couture pieces.. that magazine world seemed to be totally unrealistic to a point where it verged on fantasy.

But most of all, in my eyes, 'The September Issue' completely undermined its leading lady. There is no doubt editor-in-chief Anna Wintour is a super ice queen. With that immaculate brown bob, expressionless sunglasses and luxurious fur-trimmed attire, that woman would frighten the living daylights out of anyone crossing her path. But in the milisecond interview she gave with the camermen, I saw an unintentional flicker, albeit briefly, of insecurity. Behind that solemn, bordeline sterile exterior, there seemed to be a sad, unfulfilled woman regretting the course of her life. There was this one section in particular where Wintour was discussing her siblings jobs, and she rattled off all the charitable things they were doing to help society. And then the editor simply said, "And then they find what I do.. amusing. They are amused by what I do." The look on her face was heartbreaking. For a splitsecond, I saw a lady trapped in her own suffocating ego finally aware of the consequences of living in such a make-believe world. I don't think she wanted it. Any of it. That was the most powerful moment of all. That made it all superficial.

Don't get me wrong, the documentary was absolutely fantastic. Interesting content, stimulating cinematography.. it ticked all the right boxes. It just wasn't what I expected. Instead of leaving me inspired to work as a fashion editor as I had hoped it would, 'The September Issue' brought the fashion industry down to Earth. It conveyed a message that I think everybody out there needs to hear. There's nothing wrong with reporting on Thakoon's latest collection or Marc Jacobs' revolutionary new heels. Go ahead, fly to Paris, Milan, Barcelona, choose exotic locations and shoot incredible editorials. Be my guest. But take off the rose coloured glasses and comprehend the bigger picture. You're not saving lives. Trends come and go. See beyond the glossy pages. There's so much more out there. When you get too caught up in the superficiality of consumerism, you lose perspective. When you value fashion above reason, you lose touch. When the outside no longer matters, you lose yourself. For Wintour, it was too late. Her make believe was no longer pleasant escapism, it was dilapidated reality. She was already gone, and she knew it.

From where you are, to where I am now.

2009-10-05T20:42:00.010+11:00

The sun is beaming down and hints of summer waft through the air. Jackets are slowly swapped for cardigans, we're discussing muck up days, the final countdown of school days is nearly in single digits. Job applications, university preferences, real exams, significant birthdays.. life is speeding by so fast, and for once I'm not scared of the future. Change doesn't freak me out anymore. I'm actually excited about it, I can't wait for everything to begin. I'm not scared of tomorrow, because I know there's going to be sunlight. There might be sickness and bad sac scores and fighting with my parents, but that will cease soon enough. What is guaranteed though, is sunlight.

Because there is a light. Because there always is. And that's what I've just discovered. This is it. I've realised that I'm happy. I'm so freaking happy. Sure, my butt's bigger than I'd like it to be, I don't know what I want in life and things do get me down. But all in all, I'm happy. I don't care if you want to accuse me of being up myself or shoving my smiles in your face, I hope you won't but if you do, I don't care. Because that's not what this is about. This is a triumph over the past. This is a ode to my future. This is me taking a leap, this is me letting go. And it is so unbelievably amazing to feel like this. For a while there, I never thought I could do it. But I can. Anyway, that's it. That's my news.

Baby baby baby, when all your love is gone.

2009-09-17T16:49:00.007+10:00

I quite literally nearly squealed when I saw that the loose side braid was the hairstyle of choice for the new Alexander Wang collection. It's always been a massive favourite of mine, one I wear quite often (best studying hairstyle ever haha) and now I have a feeling it will be reappearing in the mags etc, as most things Wang orientated tend to do.. wooooo loving life. Other than that, really nothing exciting to report on. Bought a beauts denim jacket today, for the low low price of $25- bargain of the century ! (and I have a certain friend to thank for that.. hahah thanks beb if you're reading this !!) I've been buckling down studying a lot for my looming exams and as a result really haven't been on the computer that much- hence my lack of posts, sorry !! Will def try to post a bit more though, I really do enjoy it. Anyway, better get back to my persuasive language analysis essay. Oh so much fun. Don't be jealous or anything ! Hope you're all well xxx

Nothing is more beautiful. Nothing cuts deeper.

2009-09-14T15:02:00.008+10:00

The fire had ceased years ago, and yet the memory of the flames still radiated a chilling warmth. Despite countless attempts to clear it, the scent of old smoke hung in the air, seeping into all facets of existence. As the battered Jeep hummed down the gravelled path, I saw two roads. One was short and dark, it was damp and bleak. Threatening rainclouds loomed above, painting the bright sky with watercolours of grey. Fog enveloped the distance, the endless search for closure. Lifeless twigs imprinted the ground, puddles stunted speed. One got the impression euphoria used to exist, but it had passed by, perhaps bored with the constant chasing game, in and out, back and forth. Its trees were burned out, wilted ghosts of their past lives, the sprouts of grass suffocated by mud. The path ended, quick, unexpected, as though the road itself was tired of trying.

My eyes soon swivelled in the other direction. Blinded by its apparent lumination, the sun, albeit slightly deterred by the afternoon frost, continued to shine down on the road. Wild bushes thrived on the dense, dark soil, bright berries splattered across their lush arms, and disfigured trees exploded in the air with every whisper of wind that whistled through. Overwhelming colour freshened the air, the stark contrast of lime and azure blue sky radiating life, in its purest form. There was no time here, no future or past- even the moment itself felt unfleeting, for there was nothing to catch or remember it with, it was merely now, it was simply there. The cream path was bumpy, or so it appeared, solid deep stones creating flaws in otherwise smooth travelling. Although the journey to its destination beckoned continuation, the track was merely unpaved.

The dilapidated car slowed to a halt at the intersection, and I was left staring straight ahead into nothingness, hovering over the two paths collided. Days sauntered by, hours turned into seconds, and the tracks clashed as I sat above them, lost in the prospect of deciding. Had I earned honeyed respite? Or was it time to be fierce? Eventually, fate spoke. I gathered myself, took a breath, and eased my keys into the ignition. Before I had time to say your name, the Jeep coughed to a start and motored down one final road.

Guiding me through every storm.

2009-09-03T21:32:00.008+10:00

I dream of you. I always dream of you. I dream of your days, I dream of your nights. I dream of your luminescent skin, of your crunchy dark hair. I dream of your crinkly eyes when you smile, and of the creases when you frown. I dream of the smell of your aftershave, the reassuring scent of your presence. I dream of your hand in my hand, of your warmth and your care. I dream of your laugh, resonating through infinite space, igniting my soul. I dream of your arms, of your jokes, of your birthday cards. I dream of that look, for that's when you knew, and that's when this radiance shone. I dream of it all, for you are strongest when it is dark. You are safest when time has passed. You are clearest when all is still. So I dream of you.

I dream of you dreaming of me.

Battered lonely lighthouse, tomorrow she's gone.

2009-09-02T22:37:00.013+10:00

My sister jetsetted off to live in England for a year today, working as a neo-natal nurse in London. Well, I use past tense, technically she's still hanging around at the airport, but in my eyes she has pretty much left. This depature is bittersweet- although I'm glad she's seizing an opportunity to further enrich her life, the house is that much quieter without her. Meanwhile, my other sister is currently on a whirlwind trip with her husband- London, Paris, Rome... what a holiday!

All this talk of overseas adventures has given me such a surge of inspiration and endless longing.. I am actually dyingggg to go travelling. From India to Croatia, from Egypt to Thailand, from Antarctica to Peru, every single country has something to offer, a unique perspective, and I can't wait to experience that. I don't mean a five star hotel rendez-vous around various countries, I'm talking the real travelling- slumming it in crappy youth hostels with nothing but a small backpack, exploring all corners of the globe, discovering new cultures, meeting new people and developing a greater understanding of this vibrant, diverse world we are a part of.

Ah, but that dream is quite a while away, at least three to six years. I still have noooo money (zilch, nada, zeroooo), no job, no university placement, no real independence, no time for a gap year... But at least this goal gives me something to hold onto. And I'll get there, I will, eventually. I'll just have to live through my two sisters for a while!!

Sometimes we forgetful, sometimes we fight.

2009-08-28T21:37:00.010+10:00

My favourite time of the month has officially arrived. Magazine season. Yes, every two months I wander home from school and bam! Russh, Frankie and Nylon are having a chill in my letterbox, just waiting for me to devour their beautiful, glossy pages... ahh I crave that surge of excitement as you turn each page, oh the gorgeous photographs, fascinating articles and incredible inspiration that await! Anyway, last night I was reading Russh when I stumbled across this particular article by Lesley Arfin. I'm a fan of Lesley, but woah, she's fully increased to like demi-god status in my eyes after reading this piece. As soon as I read it, I cried, and then straight away read it literally another twenty times. It just ignited this fire within, this feeling of inspiration and appreciation for the world around me. Anyway, I thought I'd share an exert with you beautiful bloggersss. (I think I can do that, can't I? I hope it's not against the law or anything. If it is, sorry Lesley, didn't mean to rip you off!)

'Youth is Wasted on the Young' by Lesley Arfin.

"The elephant in the room when it comes to talking about death is that when people say something like "He's no longer with us," the remaining question is, "Well, where did he go?" It's nice to think that there's a heaven, or a system that somehow allows us to see each other again in another life, but I wonder deep down if we can truly beileve that. The thing I forget is that every day we are alive, living and breathing, we are in heaven.

This life we have on earth, it is heaven. And yes, awful, horrendous things happen and most of the time we complain like we're in hell, but the only proof I've ever had of a God existing has been through my experiences with other people. When I feel like I've written something that has inspired a girl in another country to shave her head, that's heaven. When I read a book and cry and cry because it's over and I don't want it to end, I'm in heaven. Tonight I sat on a bench with my two best friends and we ate sunflower seeds and laughed our asses off. If there's another kind of heaven then I don't really want to know about it. If I die, I die, but at least we know when the shit hits the fan while we're alive there will always be a silver lining. We can choose to see it or ignore it, but it's there. I bet my life on that fact every day."

Aaaahhhh do you love it? I LOVE IT. haha, seriously the most amazing thing I think I've ever read. Which leads me to list for you now:

Five things that make this life heaven.

5.When I'm riding a bike down a massive hill and I lift my feet off the pedals, and my body flies down, speeding past reality, wind in my hair, free as a bird.. that to me, is heaven.

4. When I hear a new song for the first time and I fall in love with it, and proceed to listen to it over and over again, mesmorised by the enchanting lyrics and tune that encapsulates all that I feel inside in a way that words can't... that to me, is heaven.

3. When I'm sitting in the common room at school with my best friends at lunchtime, smiling and mucking around and making each other laugh until we pretty much cry.. that to me, is heaven.
2. When my extended family come over for dinner, 40 people all laughing and being merry, and I'm playing barbies or trains with my cousins, and I see the happiness in their faces, that childhood simplicty, and then the eternal youth of my grandparents, and finally the smiles that link the generations... that to me, is heaven.

1. When I read a piece like Lesley's encouraging me to embrace life and to see the goodness in the world. And I wonder if it's too late with all the time I've lost.. then I realise that I truly am alive, that this is it, that it is here and it is now, and that I've only got one chance at this thing. I remember all the love I have for others,all those amazing people around me, and the love they have given me, and it fills me with bubbles, with unexplainable warmth... as corny as it sounds, that to me, is heaven.

Anyway, this is a loooong text-based blog. I just thought you lovely kiddos might get something out of Lesley's article, like I did. Well, I'm off to bed, now that new mattress is heaven hahaha! Have a super weekend chickasss xxxx

I crouch like a crow, contrasting the snow.

2009-08-26T18:43:00.013+10:00

A million prayers went up to heaven, they went for nothing. A million pleas came back down, they said stop asking. So much blood on my hands, so much blood on my hands. The angels cried, we can do nothing, our hearts are sunken. Cos the focus of our prayers was fraudulent yet wary that the lord's wrath would come. So much blood, on my hands. So much blood on my hands. So much blood on my hands. So much blood on my hands. So much blood, on my hands.

'Song For...' - Matt Corby

She said wake up, it's no use pretending.

2009-08-24T16:53:00.008+10:00

Ever wondering, everlasting uncertainty hangs around my head like a mosquito on a hot night- unfaltering persistence, overwhelmingly annoying, oblivious to the harm they impose on the sleepy, dreamy victim. Time ticks by and the memories get foggier, yet the reason and logic remains clear. But is it worth the wait? Nothing is guaranteed, and rumours change the course of opinion. Hope should be discarded, shoved down throats, for it merely wastes days, suffocates opportunity, breaks the soul. And yet one cannot stop themselves, because it makes the situation that much more bearable. And so it is the mosquito, buzzing around the room, dodging spray and numerous claps, refusing to face its inevitable end, hoping to come back for one last bite. Who knows how it will conclude. Who knows if it begun. What does it matter? It's all nothing but snapshots. Snapshots of a life, snapshots of a time. It will all end, because it always does.
And so it is the mosquito, and I am the night.

Down by the beautiful sea.

2009-08-23T09:24:00.004+10:00

It's been a while since I've posted, sorrrrry, everything's uber crazy at the moment. Heaps of SACs at school, school magazine deadlines, multiple 18ths each weekend, not to mention the constant burden that is my drama solo performance (battle!).. but all is well! Mmmm this weekend has been great though. And now I'm paying the price for it, Sundays were made for cramming. Well, this was a pretty average post. I'm too tired to post anything of substance haha. Hope you are all going great guns! Happy Sunday kiddos xxx

Sous les pavés, la plage.

2009-08-15T13:24:00.028+10:00

my weekend inspiration. again, apologies for the lack of sources, i'm so bad at remembering where i got all these from. so sorry if one of your pictures is on here, i don't mean to steal, i just keep forgetting to take note! happy saturday y'all xxxxx

One chance, one chance to feel.

2009-08-12T14:21:00.004+10:00

I'm in a really weird mood at the moment. Things have been going really well these past few days and yet for some reason I just can't be happy about it all. No matter how strong the sun shines down, my skin just won't soak it up. There's a lot of pressure on me right now to do well, and every time I don't get 100%, I feel like I'm not only letting down myself, but my family too, and so even when I do well I still get really upset, which is stupid, because getting everything correct all the time is totally unrealistic.. But I don't know. It's all just so incredibly suffocating, I'm really feeling all this pressure at school right now. I have a big sign stuck up on my desk that says 'finish VCE knowing you've done the best you can.' I'm terrified that I'll get to the end of this long road and be disappointed in myself. I just don't want to let anybody down.

I really should stop talking about myself all the time on this blog, that's not what it was created for. I don't even know who is reading this anymore. Maybe nobody is. Maybe I'm all by myself.

I did not choose him, he did not choose me.

2009-08-08T23:26:00.014+10:00

Don't you ever wish that you could type your name into Wikipedia and read all about how your life is going to pan out? I just want to be sure of my future, I just want to check that it's all going to be okay, that I'm going to have purpose, that I won't wind up at the end of this gut-wrenching trek alone. We have to submit our uni preferences soon, and the whole process is wreaking havoc on my mind. We're told these uni courses don't determine our future, but who are they kidding? They totally do. This moment of decision is leading me to question everything around me, everything I've ever believed in, leaving me so confused.. I don't know what I want from all this. I don't know what I want from life. But I do know what I don't want.

I don't want boundaries. I don't want to sit at a desk and stare at a computer screen all day. I don't want the white picket-fence dream. I don't want money or materialism. I don't want it all to be normal, cardboard cut out average. I don't want safety and undeniable truths. I don't want a crisp white suit and expensive parfum. I don't want to hang out for my days off. I don't want reason or rule or righteousness. I don't want textbook love that can be described with adjectives or careful nouns. I don't want it all handed to me on a china plate. I don't want concrete slabs or traffic lights or high rises. I don't want to quash hidden desires and yearnings. I don't want directions to the next station. I don't want to sound boring at dinner parties. I don't want to write meaningless words. I don't want bright blue eyes or straight blonde hair or a face free of wrinkles. I don't want 'no trespassing' signs. I don't want to crave dreams becoming reality. I don't want to look back on it all and wish I'd done this or that. I don't want to regret the past. I don't want my life to be fake. I don't want to be a statistic.

I'm sorry, this post is really disjointed. It's late, I'm tired, emotional, a little irrational. It took me a long time to write this. I think I'll go to bed now. Nobody wants about hear of my fears for the future. Maybe I'll save them for another dreary night. Adiosss amigos xxx

We'll get some chinese and watch TV.

2009-08-05T19:59:00.007+10:00

This afternoon I was chilling out in front of 'The Farmer Wants A Wife', which, for those of you who are unfamiliar with it, is an Aussie show kind of like The Bachelor where five farmers seek love with these different city girls. It's pure crap but a nice escape from the perils of Year 12. Anyway, I found it incredibly intruiging that as soon as the men saw the potential girls, they knew right away which one they liked the most. Why is that? What is it about someone that instantly attracts us to another the moment we lay eyes on them? And it's not just looks, it's more than that, an unexplainable spark. How do people know that that person walking towards them is The One, before knowing anything about them?

That leads me to this question. Do you believe in soul mates? That one person that was made for you, the true love you've dreamed about since you were a little ankle-biter? I've had a think about it, and as pessimistic as it might sound, I don't think I do. I definitely have faith in love at first sight and I know there are perfect matches, the Jim and Pam's of this world that just click and have undying, everlasting love, but there are what, six billion people in this world? Six billion personalities, six billion souls, that's a lot of potential couples. And from that extraordinary number, I doubt there's just one person on the entire planet that really gets you, that you have this beautiful, amazingly unexplainable connection with. Surely there's five, ten, maybe even twenty people that could have that with you. There are so many incredible souls floating around the globe right at this moment, so many gorgeous people searching for their match that have so much to offer, and I just don't see why we should feel as though the stars have decided that our love is limited to one of them. Is that stupid? Does that even make me kind of greedy to believe there's more than one knight in shining armour out there for each of us?

I don't know. Let me know what you think, my beautiful bloggersss. It's a big question, too big for a petty little blog such as mine. I just hope there's somebody perfect for me out there, that I have a true love trotting round this globe searching for me. There's got to be, there's just got to be. And one day I'll find him. For sure. It's only a matter of time, but I don't mind waiting. I'm sure it will be worth it in the end.

Eyes wide shut.

2009-08-02T16:27:00.010+10:00

ringmaster, i'm nothing to you but dark fleeting smoke

a careless night whisper, a cautious source of light

soothing the old debris of my fragmented past

waiting for them to smile at my invisible life

sometimes you make me question

if this is all one grand charade

sometimes i wonder

if you listen.

why won't you give me a chance?

When God left the ground to circle the earth.

2009-08-01T23:32:00.014+10:00

tag along tag along tag along tag along tag along tag along tag along tag along no reason no rhyme for the best part of life nobody cared there was no sacrifice tag along tag along tag along tag along gods without faces sing soft prayers to the weak she aches for the truth but forbidden to speak tag along tag along tag along tag along eyes were cast down heart beats in a lung she just waits it out til the judging is done tag along tag along tag along tag along because that's all she knows because that's all she'll be a tag along girl in a far away tree

He's got two left feet and he bites my moves.

2009-08-01T18:46:00.016+10:00

Just thought I'd share with you loveliesss a few songs that are currently on constant repeat on my iPod, I'm pretty much obsessed. You'd be nuts not to download them all immediately haha!

Heads-Will Conner

Boy With A Coin- Iron&Wine

Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance- Black Kids

Song For..- Matt Corby

You Don't Know Me- Ben Folds feat. Regina Spektor

Hoppipolla- Sigur Ros

Darling I Need Ya- Kid Confucious

I Will Follow You Into The Dark- Death Cab for Cutie

Leaving For Paris No.2- Rufus Wainwright

Coin Laundry-Lisa Mitchell

On s'attache- Christophe Mae
Start Again- Lovers Electric

The Wedding Song- Angus & Julia Stone

Ghosts- Laura Marling

High and Dry- Jamie Cullum

Expectations- Cut Off Your Hands

Happy Saturday everybody!

xxxxx

Throwing these stones to the long lost friends.

2009-07-27T19:20:00.017+10:00

"Can I be the girl you met in the coin laundry?"

- Lisa Mitchell

Just a few whimsical pictures reminiscent of summer to cure your Mondayitis. Endless sunshine, constant smiles, searing heat, luminous skin, freedom with your friends.. don't lose hope, hold on to those glorious memories, that beautiful season is not too far away! And just for the record, I want to be the girl you met in the coin laundry. So do you have a dollar, do you have a dollar for me?

PS. Sorry, I'm so bad at the whole photo source acknowledgement thing- somebody will have to teach me !! :) So sorry if there's a pic thats yours on here. I don't mean to rip you off, I just can't remember where all these pics are from!

Your body is a wonderland.

2009-07-25T23:25:00.019+10:00

The other day, I overheard a perfectly average sized girl at school complaining to her friend that she'd gone from a size eight to a size ten in jeans. Ohhhhh the calamity! "Next thing you know," she said, genuinely horrified, "I'll be on to a twelve. God, I'd rather kill myself than be that obese." Now, I'm not at all a violent person, but seriously, I nearly turned around and slapped the bitch when I witnessed that atrocious comment. Size 12 is NOT fat!! Not at ALL!!! It's not even on the scale of fat, it's not anywhere near the scale of fat, you don't even know of that scale of fat if you're a size 12, it's not even in your vocabulary. It's a totally normal size! Oh boyyy did that passing remark incense me. But unfortunately, I know for a fact that many other teenage girls feel the same way and quite frankly, it disgusts me.

Sadly, we seem to be getting more and more caught up in the fad of size zero, this neverending feeling that what we have isn't good enough; and it just shouldn't be that way. What do those little tags sewn to our dresses symbolise anyway? Is it the grading of your beauty? Your health? Your intelligence? Your happiness? NO. It's nothing more than a number. Seriously, let's put this into perspective, all clothing sizes do is categorise your shape into a certain fit of clothing. Nothing more. It's not a death sentence, it's just slightly more material!! Calm down, the world won't collapse if you have to ask for the L instead of the M. That number doesn't define who you are.

I spose what this post is trying to say is that we need to stop obsessing over our size. Sure, there are times I dream of having Abbey Lee's beanpole legs or the incredible work of art that is Heidi Klum's washboard stomach, but please please please remember that the body we are blessed with is GORGEOUS. We shouldn't be wasting our time striving to match the media's distorted idea of perfection, we need to be out enjoying our lives, appreciating what we have, feeling good about ourselves, embracing our curves! Who care if your calves are a little bigger than your best friend's?! What does it matter if you can't squeeze into that size eight Sass&Bide number?! As corny as it sounds, it really is what's on the inside that counts. Chances are, when Eve ate that apple from the Tree waaaay back in biblical times, her first thought wasn't if those sugars would go to her thighs. We as a society need to go back to basics, we need a major reality check. If you're happy and healthy, you're luckier than most people in this world. Surely, that is all one can wish for. Surely, that is enough.

So, my fellow bloggers, at the risk at sounding all preachy, bin all that media crap and take time out to appreciate what you have. Remember to love yourself. Learn to feel comfortable in your own skin. Don't give into the clones out there, embrace that gorgeous bod God gave you, regardless of what clothing category it fits into. Because whether you're a size two, ten, fourteen, eighteen or twenty, you are truly beautiful. And just for the record, I honestly hope that 'newly size ten' girl she becomes a size twelve. Because then she would see that the sky won't fall down. That her life hasn't changed, that she's still got all she originally had, that she's exactly the same, that no facet of her existence has altered. There's just a little more to love, that's all. :)

When the best part of me was always you.

2009-07-25T22:50:00.010+10:00

Dear 'Anonymous',

( the one who left me a comment on an earlier blog post on Friday)

THANK YOU.

I can't even begin to tell you how much that me smile. You didn't just make my day, you made my week. I don't get told that very often, not very often at all, so it's nice to know somebody out there really does care about me. It was appreciated more than a petty blog post can possibly express. Anyway, enough of the mushy stuff! Whoever you are, thank you, from the verrrry bottom of my heart. If only there were more beautiful souls like yours in this life; the world would be an incredibly different place. I can't thank you enough.

Love always xxxxx

PS. Feel free to leave your name next time, I owe you a hug... and possibly an anonymous blog comment haha :)